Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Ode Au Tango

This is a fantastic little film... It captures the joie de vivre that tango has brought out in me.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Carlos... You were always right... I just didn't know it..

When I first started to dance, I heard of Gavito.. But when I saw his dance, I did not understand it. At the time, it did not inspire me. It did not move me. I was too raw, too obvious, too predictable with my instincts. He was old, he was wise, he was patient...

When you are new, you do not have time for patience. You have all the time for drama and passion and lust, all on the surface, swimming like a thick layer of oil on water.The sad thing is I did not even know the true meaning of passion, of love, of lust then. They were all mixed together, underexplored, misunderstood, and I was constantly trying to live a caricature of them, over and over again. Like a broken record...And I thought that's what life was.. love, lust, loss, all dancing in a circle, spinning spinning... out of control...

But tango taught me otherwise. Now, after having danced many years, I know, more.. I also know that I do not know it all. And that is ok, that is comforting, that is human. That means there is more to learn, to figure out. That means there is more life to live... That means I am vulnerable, and I know it, and it makes me a better dancer.

Now I watch Gavito, and I know, he was right. He was right, all along...

Carlos Gavito:
When you dance with a partner you are close and the dance is very suggestive, but it is not personal... Close is what the music inspires you to become. The embrace looks personal, but what we are actually embracing is the music.

Carlos Gavito:
A good dancer is one who listens to the music... We dance the music not the steps. Anyone who aspires to dance never thinks about what he is going to do. What he cares about is that he follows the music. You see, we are painters. We paint the music with our feet.

Carlos Gavito:
I think those who say that you can’t tango if you are not Argentine are mistaken. Tango was an immigrant music... so it does not have a nationality. It’s only passport is feeling.

Carlos Gavito:
The secret of tango is in this moment of improvisation that happens between step and step. It is to make the impossible thing possible: to dance silence. This is essential to learn in tango dance, the real dance, that of the silence, of following the melody.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Is there anything more to be said?

It seems that everything there is to say about Tango have already been said. Every move has been created and copied in multitude.. Every thought has been processed, shared, and consumed... Every dance experience has been had. Every song has been heard, every beat has been stepped. Have accepted too many dances, turned down too many cabeceos, Have been to countless milongas, many festivals, stayed up all too many nights dancing all night. Have taken many post-tango Advils, suffered many tango injuries, have been stepped on, bumped against, pushed around, pulled away... I have worn all the fashionable tango clothes, paid too much money for shoes and accessories.

So... Am I done?

In words of a famous poet:
The most beautiful sea hasn't been crossed yet.
The most beautiful child hasn't grown up yet.
Our most beautiful days we haven't seen yet.
And the most beautiful words I wanted to tell you...

and I add:

the most beautiful tanda hasn't been danced yet
The most beautiful tango hasn't been written
The most fun entry in this blog I have yet to write
The best pair of tango shoes I am yet to find

I have yet to dance in Paris, Beijing, or Sidney
I have yet to sing a tango out side of my shower
I have yet to capture that great feeling
that connection
that palpitation
I have yet to put it in a jar
like a summer time firefly
And keep it for cold winter days...

This is when time is beginning every day
setting it self to zero
This is when, finally, beginning is fun..

So this is the beginning..
Never the end...

Or if you wish... there is no beginning.. and no end...

Monday, June 20, 2011

Change is good... Change is good...

It has been a long time that my blog has remained stagnant. It stayed a loyal friend that I could return to at times of despair, loneliness, confusion, inspiration, and joy... And yet so many times I turned my back on it, ignored it, thought of canceling it.. Especially within the last two years, I have even become more obscure, less visible, more abstract, less connected, more puzzling... I think I need to reset my relationship with it.

I felt the need tonight to give it a new look. It will not be a new blog. I probably will be as capricious towards it as ever. I will still at times ignore it, sometimes overwhelm it, other times pay no attention... But it will remain. It will be here. Waiting for me to spill my guts, to tell my story, to write my poems, to paint my life and to share it with you.

I honestly do not even know if anyone is still reading this blog. If you are, I hope this blog is something interesting, a wild perspective that you did not expect, or a familiar one that you yearn to find.

This new look almost offended me first. It is so funny.. We are such creatures of habit...The old simple layout became such a usual habit for me that when I changed it I felt a little sad. When I looked at this new layout, I realized there is much to like about it. And yet I need time to get used to it. To move my fingertips around its face, to recognize, to familiarize, to memorize its features... I need time with it, but I am willing to dance this tanda with it. I will not say thank you after the first song, I will dance the next few tangos with it, and see how it goes.

The birds started singing again. Again, it is way passed my bed time. The stars are beginning to disappear, the day light is once again about to touch my toes. Once again, I am awake when most of you are asleep conjuring up an imaginary friend for my self, who might or might not read this post..

good night..

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Last night...

Last night, I danced a milonga tanda, and I had that wonderful feeling again. The feeling of moving as one. The flutters of anticipation took over. The subtlest movements were met by understanding, the surprise of moving so well together overjoyed both of us and we both knew it.

A perfect few minutes of understanding each other, having patience and willingness to be together... A perfect few songs of mischievousness and trickery, a perfect few moments that are so difficult to replicate...

It does not always happen, this magical thing. Sometimes you think it is lost forever. Other times you find yourself having forgotten that you are looking for it. But it finds you. It finds you like the wind finds sails, like the sun finds the horizon, like the waves find the shore...

and then I find my self wondering, how I could even wonder whether it is lost forever, or doubt it is coming back...Because it will always find you, give you a kiss, make the corners of your mouth curl up, and inevitably will leave... again...

The image is "Fishing Boats Leaving the Port of Le Havre" 1874, Cloude Monet...

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Ode to feeling better...

Another disagreement
Another fight
Another disheartened soul
Another flight

Flight away from this place
From this town from this feeling
Slightly worse, with tears on my face
Slowly dealing, slowly healing

Here is to never never and ever
Here is to tomorrow feeling better
Buying a new pair of tango shoes
Mending my soul with stilettos and booze...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Stream of tango subconsciousness...

intense attention
yearning to understand
trying to make a good impression

becoming familiar
becoming regular
becoming mundane
and you stop hearing your own heartbeat
and you know that is the end
that your imagination has runout
and that you know him too well
That he holds your hand but does not feel your heart beat
You dance but it is not the same

and then.. across the room
there is a pair of eyes you don't know
that ask a question
so beautifully
that you are curious to make up an answer for
and eventually make him forget his question
his ambition
only he wants to hear you now
and you hear your heart again

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I am on facebook. After a milonga, after a festival, after a weekend of crazy fun, I am on facebook. Trying to run the beautiful events of the recent past in my mind in an effort not to forget them, in fact, to re-live them, to put them in shuffle and replay in my mind, over and over and over. Like a drug...

I also develop these crushes on those moments where I have the perfect connection. The beautiful tandas, the mutual understanding of music, the synchronized smiles... How can I not. Completely platonic, harmless, and like every crush, ephemeral...

I do not want the weekend to end. I do not want the tanda to end, I do not want the festival to end. Sometimes I wonder: is this what it will feel like when I am dying? Am I going to be left with this feeling of increasing emptiness in my heart, the void left by ever-fleeting moments of joy, here now, gone next... Am I going to yearn for life and will not want it to end? And does this mean that every time I end a beautiful tanda, every time I leave your embrace, every time I come back from a festival, or a great milonga, every time we say good bye, I die a little?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I miss you
Like my eyelids miss each other
Like there is no tomorrow and no hope of seeing you
I miss you and I miss me
Because when I miss you I don't have me here
When I miss you my head spins
From lack of you running in my veins
My breath comes to shallows of my dreams where I chase your shadow
My hands grow numb, not remembering your touch
I miss you like there was no togetherness
The idea of you fades away
I grow dull, gray, and ordinary
And I find you again
Like water in desert
Like a friend in foreign lands
Like a cool shadow in hot summer noon
Like two hands clapping
Like salt and sand on a beach
Like monday and tuesday....

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Dancing, Dreaming and Ghosts...

Last night, I had a fantastic night of tango. Many tandas, great conversations, a lot of laughs.., And as I was experiencing such a great night, I also started thinking about other great nights, and my favorite tango people who were not there with me last night. As I was enjoying a milonga, my mind wandered, thinking about many other great milongas I danced, and the ghosts of those milongas started revolving around us, dancing with us, as we were dancing with the music, with the floor, with each other, and with our ghosts.

There are good ghosts you know... Ghosts that you want to have. Last night as my old ghosts visited me on the dance floor. And as I was dancing, I witnessed the creation of new ghosts that would come and visit me at a later time... Sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes in the middle of a tanda, sometimes, when I am dreaming, and sometimes, when I am walking on the street, summoned by the first few notes of a favorite tango....

Saturday, January 15, 2011

If life is yearning for you...

I am lost in your absence.
My eyes see the world around me
With the beat of my heart.
Images now bigger and now smaller...
With every beat,
I search for you,
with palpitations of a million beats..
And when I find you
My heart stops.
I die...