An ocean of work and a drop of tango...

Spring is in the air and I am having a difficult time concentrating on my work. It is quite a problem because I really need to work a lot. I have important and decisive deadlines coming up. This is why I have bee ntrying to work work work, and no play. Well today, I have managed to do some good amount of work, so maybe, maybe will go to a milonga to reward my self. Still, I feel like there is an ocean of work and I only swam the first 100 meters. Already rewarding my self??? Take a deep breath, a short break, and keep swimming...

I want this make up...

I just saw this photo.. Such beautiful colors. I have an appointment with a make up artist at Lancome on Friday and I really want this kind of make up applied. Of course, it will not look like this on me, but hey even if we can approximate it..:) I want to purchase some make up from Lancome, especially their eyeshadows are magnificant this season. Maybe if the make up lasts I might even go to a milonga on friday:)
Again.. What was it about spending money, tango and stuff?

cost of tango...

First question of the week: How much money do I (or do we) spend on tango? Too much! Not really, it is worth every penny. But dancing a lot (8 out of 11 of the last days) is taking both a financial toll on my pocketbook and a physical toll on my body. When I go out, I really do not want to worry about saving, I like to have some wine, taking a cab to and from the milonga, plus the milonga itself.. It ends up being at least $40 a night. well that means I spent over $300 strictly on tango dancing just with in the last 11 days...Wow and ouch!
On top of that, I think of all the purchases I make for the sake of tango. Shoes, clothes, make up... True, I would have bought these regardless ,but to this extent. Tango acts as a total inspiration to my shopping inclinations. In addition, of course, I also buy remedial products, foot cream, painkillers, etc.. By the way, I just say this add for the Olay Body Thermal Pedicure, a foot scrub that heats up. Sounds nice but who knows if it actually is worth a dime, will try and let you all know.
So over all, no wonder at the end of the month I wonder where all the money went, it went to tango of course... Of course I did not even speak about the physical cost. My feet are shot, I have a beautiful and very comfortable pair of tango shoes, But after 5 hrs of dancing on 4 inches, I do not think any pair of shoes can help. I need to do more stretching I know, for my feet and legs, as well as my back.. I am just so lazy about it. It is not a lack of knowledge issue, its pure laziness. I know every strech there is out there. I just am lazy. I have to start doing them regularly if I want to keep dancing though.

cupcakes, and other sweat things...

I am craving big time. That time of the month? Already? Oh no... With it comes a big appetite, a sense of bloat and as a bonus: reemergence of adolescence... Here we go again. I was going to wear a new skirt I bought to a milonga tonight, but I think not. I feel like I weigh a ton! The fat feeling is back. Thanks hormones.. I know I do not weigh a ton, but every month this time I feel like I do. Hence the mirrors also get distorted. I wonder if PMS has an effect on my eyesight. Everything seems wider, including my hips!! I should not be complaining, I am lucky about my metabolism, Got that from my father (Thank God or other forces of the universe). But still. That does not change the fact that I feel like I weigh a ton right now. So tonight, I will wear what I call concealers (clothes comfortable and not great looking but not risky either):) Until I get my eyesight and my common sense back. The cupcakes, oh I am totally baking them tomorrow.

About a post...

I read a post on a blog that I recently discovered
On Tango, Love and Other Demons
In fact its about two posts: one is Tango Types (I): The Tangueros dated March 19th, and the other is Tango Types (II): The Tangueras dated March 21st. I liked both of the posts very much. In fact to the one on Tangueras, Sorin posted a very informative comment, that also gave us a perspective of what a good follower makes the leader feel like.
Although as I was reading the blog, I was thinking there are so many people who are actually a combination of these different types. Or in a given day, due to hormonal changes or other reasons :) we might end up turning into a tango bitch rather thana good follow. In other words, although I really like the typologies and find them interesting and informative, part of me cannot help but think, we are non of these and all of these at the same time, depending on the day, the time, the mood and the hormones:) Well, maybe there a few lucky ones out there who have found their ideal type and stuck to it. Me I find myself often fluctuating, and I do not even want to begin to imagine from which one type to another...
Overall though, I really like this blog. And Sorin's blog as well. I shall add them to my list of blogs on the right ASAP.

Lagrimas Negras

I found this on youtube. Bebo Valdes and Diego "El Cigala." I love it.

Being back...

I am back:) Its nice being back. I saw my love, we spent some time
together and I realized how much I miss him how much I really love him.
Then I went to the DC tango Marathon. It was an interesting weekend really. I have to say it really did not begin well. In fact at theafternoon milonga on Saturday after having this terrible conversation and a tanda with this awful guy who thinks he is tango God (and by the way he is sooooo delusional) I wanted to pack my backs and come back. But just when things got worse, they got better as well. The last song of the milonga, I danced with a great guy, M, and it was like floating. I needed that after that terrible experience.
Starting with Saturday evening milonga, everything picked up, including my mood. It was a great milonga, danced many good dances, and was feeling good about my self.
I want to clarify that the feeling was about my self not about my tango. When I feel good I dance well too, its almost always like that. I do not remember amilonga where I felt good about myself and I had bad dances.
I have many things that I wondered about during this festival and I will share them in future posts. For now, I feel good...:)
After I came back I realized how exhausted I was. But ofcourse my mind won over my body and I went dancing again the next day, and ofcourse, no matter how bad your feet ache if you are in the mood to dance, you do well:) It felt really good to dance. I was loose and relaxed.
Still on tango high after the festival I guess.

Ahhhhh, how musical, how beautiful...

a trip awaiting, precious life, and shoes...

I am going away on friday, for a little while.. At the end of my trip I will attend the D.C. tango festival. I am looking forward to it. I am looking forward to this trip for many reasons. Will see my love. Will do some work, and will dance tango. So this is what life is about right?
I almost got killed today by the way. My life flashed before my eyes, when a car ran the red light, and hit another and went over the spot I had stepped on 3 seconds back. I was thinking about my future when crossing the street, my near future, and was in the blissful ignorance of a sunny wednesday morning. Everything could have changed in a moment. I could be in a coma tonight at some hospital, with no future, no more love, tango, or work.
Its amazing, life is so fragile really.. we are so fragile. We feel so capable and so strong, and yet we are so fragile. So ephemeral. So mortal.
I was quite shaken actually. I was crossing the street witha friend, going to BCBG. I was littereally shaking entering the store.
I am thankful tonight, that I still have my life in tact, to be able to write these words, and to be able to wear the beautiful shoes I bought.

Cannot dance in flat shoes..

I went to a milonga. I have given all my highheels to repair, so all I had was my flat dance sneakers, which I had not worn for 2 yrs. I remember them being very comfortable. They were. but my god!!! I could not dance in them. I had no balance. Maybe it was not the shoes, maybe I was having an off night, but I could not feel the floor in those clunky shoes, I did not feel pretty or sexy in those shoes and it totally affected my dance.
I turned down so many dances, because I really did not feel like dancing in those shoes. The men I turned down must be thinking: "My gosh, she is picky!"
I was saving them from a disastrous experience, but they do not know that. I actually led a friend of mine who is a beginner for a while, and that was fun. I was ok leading, so what is the problem with following.
Maybe I just like to blame the shoes.. The truth is my favorite partner(s) were not there, I did not have my favorite shoes, and it was an off night..
OR maybe, I forgot what it is to waer flat shoes...
Reminder to self: If nights like these did not exist, the excellent nights would not be as exciting!

Dreams..

Last night I had two dreams. They were connected. I have not bee nremembering what I dream lately so these left me wondering aobut their meaining in the morning.
Let me tell you about them:
I am on a beach. It is not particularly sunny but definitely not cold. ITs a pleasant day. I am walking with this girl friend of mine. She is a friend in the dream, but I do not know her in real life. We are walking on the beach, maybe 20 meters away from the sea. The sea is on my right side, I am the one walking closer to the sea. I see two dolphins. They are swimming incredibly close to the shore. Then one of them jumps out the sea and comes all the way to me. I do not sense desperation from the dolphin, but I know if it stays with me there on the shore it will not survive. I push the dolphin gently towards the sea. Wtihout any difficulty, infact in a very slippery way, the dolphin makes its way back to the sea. I feel happy, that I saved its life. It was not very difficult.
The second part of the dream: we continue walking on the beach. At some point we sit and we see these marks on our legs. They are these bruises. I immediately think its from tango. Its as if I must have been hit by a boleo or something. I have this dark black point, the size of a woman's tango heel, than a line that follows it. I do not feel pain, it does not hurt and I cannot remember when it would have happened. My friend and I both wonder. She has the same mark on her leg. When I see the mark I do not feel sad, or happy, just curious...

I was telling these dreams to a friend , N, and he asked me about the first part, is there someone you want to save, you want to help, you feel very connected to, someone who is drawn to you like the dolphin that just voluntarily beaches it self to you? And about the second part, you did not feel any real feeling but just curiousity about the mark, what is going on in your life right now that is leaving these curious marks on you...
What accurate questions and interpretations of this dream...

Tango shoes...

I had to take all my tango shoes to a shoe repair place. I do no have that many pairs, I had 4 pairs of high heels plus one practica shoe. One of the high heels I must have left at some milonga because I canot find it, which makes me really sad. The other three, the heels need to get changed ( those little black things at the bottom) SOme of them need suede bottoms so I also need that changed. So I have no high heels at my disposal these days, they will be ready by thursday. How am I to survive till then without dancing? Well I have the flat ones... But its not the same. Its odd but I am more comfortable in highheels:)
Maybe I will go on a quest for my lost shoes.. Like the search for the holy grail.. They were so pretty too. Old but still pretty. Everybody used to compliment me about them... They were comfortable..
Why am I so in love with shoes? Is there a specific shoe loving gene that I am not aware of, that passes down from mother to daughter? I know only a few guys who are very excited about shoes, but most women I know love shoes.

Cold night

Its a cold night out there. Do not feel like dancing. I feel terribly melancholic tonight. Sometimes tango and melancholy is just the perfect combination for a wonderful night out. Sometimes, its a potion that is poisonious. So, I am home. I am contemplating about my perspective on tango.
I am not from Argentina. I am not from the US. English is not my first language, tango is not my national heritage. Why do I feel so captivated, so connected to it? Can I truly understand what it actually is? Why have I identified with it so strongly?
Sometimes this happens with people too. I identify with a person so much, although I do not know them, I feel like I do. I want to know them. Maybe in a previous life, place and time, we have crossed paths? Or maybe in the future we will and that I sense that some how..It is an eerie feeling really. An eerie and irresistable feeling...
Is there a type of person that is drawn to tango? What kind of a person is it? Bohemian? Artistic? Romantic? Confused? I start smiling. I started explaining my self again, instead of tango.

A Series of Rhetorical Questions...

Does every tanguera have a favorite leader that they like to dance with? What is the feeling that we get when we dance with our favorite partner? How many tandas are enough? Is there a favorite tango that is a secret between the two? Does the joy of dancing together make both giddy? Is it like flying? Is it like buttlerflies flapping their wings ever so slowly? Is it like a dream?
Does the feeling persist? Does the good mood spread to other tandas with other partners?