Dreaming of tango, of shoes...

I have been sick lately. Have a lot of work to do and not able to do it due to heavy dosage of medication (for congestion, cough, fever etc...)... What's worst is that despite all the medication I still cannot sleep at night, yep, its that annoying dry cough... So I do a little work and a little surfing on the net. I read the news, the blogs, the news, facebook, blogs, email, news, and ofcourse, online shoe stores.:) Which reminded me of a topic that I have been meaning to write about for a while.. Tango shoes...
I am a tall woman. Hence I ahve big feet. I did a lot of sports when I was younger so my feet are well used and abused, hence I know the importance of taking good care of them. I love my high heels so that is one department I am not going to consider sacrificing, for comfort, so what are my choices out there. Comme il fauts, neotangos etc... I have purchased tango shoes of many different brands including all teh flashy nice ones. but I have a few grievances that I would like to share.
1) DO YOU HAVE THIS STYLE IN SIZE 10?
Ok, this is not only specific to tango shoes, but un general for all shoes. YOu are a big footed woman. You see a wonderful pair of stilettos, shiny, and girly and pretty just waiting for you to try, but ofcourse they are in size 7. You ask the above question, and you get one of two answers:
a) Oh sorry we only carry upto size 40!" (which is not size 10- but sometimes it is, depending on the maker, go figure)
b) "Let me check!"
If you are lucky enough to get answer b, then most commonly she checks and tells you that they do not have any more size 10s (they do not order them too many because not many women are, ahem, big footed, like me! You know, the whole demand-supply thing. Which makes me wonder, then howcome whenever I go to a shoestore 90% of the time they always had just ran out of my size??? The demand is here, its me!!! Hello!!! Where is the supply!! So much for the invisible hand of the market...
Ok so let us assume that you are lucky that day (10% of the time) and she says, "We have one pair left in that size" Then she brings the shoes and .....
What the hell is this??? The shoe looks like some sort of a flotation device, its big, clunky, the heel is no longer stiletto, It resembles nothing of the size 7 that you saw and fell in love with... You try it on, and as soon as you put it on, you feel like you are crossdressing... Its interesting how some 10 womens shoes can make a woman who is fairly secure with herself feel like a man...My God...
The same thing is true for the fancy tango shoe brands that are available for those of us who are big footed.. Most of the size 10s are shall we say "rather mannish". I wonder, all these models who are over 6 foot, they are not mannish and not wearing mannish shoes, why should I huh? why???


2)THE SEVERE RELAXATION OF THE SHOE AND LOSS OF ALL DANCE SKILLS IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING:
Ok, another problem I had is with a pair of Neotango shoes I got. They were a perfect fit, in fact, quite tight, when I first got them. After two-three milongas, they lost their , shall we say. backbone! The leather relaxed so much that now my feet were completely loose inside the shoe. I swear, I couple of times while I was dancing, my pinky toes came out of the shoe.. Now how do you really expect me to listen to my leader, surrender and follow, and connect and all that when my pinkies are falling out of the shoe??? Well, there goes my "you know how much" costing shoes...

3)INCONSISTENCY OF QUALITY CROSS SECTIONAL AND TIME SERIES ANALYSIS:
Another problem I had with tango shoes is the lack of consistency of shoes. First lets talk within the same brand. You buy one pair of shoes, you love them, they are your fave pair, they get old, they want to retire, despite you insisting that you love them, one day they fall apart. So you, asa loyal customerr, but another pair, from the same company. Just as pretty, but these girls are different. They are not flexible, they are a capricious pair. They give you blisters, they refuse to formfit. A worse situation is when you order the same brand and same model, and same size, and yet the shoes that arrive are not even close in terms of comfort and quality to your previous pair...

Ok, now that I vented a little, offering some solutions.. I found out that tango shoes are like tango people. In general those people that are always involved in tango, have the time, the resources, and the will to dance tango generally do well. But this does not guarantee that if you are always involved in tango,and have the time, and resources, that you will dance well. Some don't. Just like the shoes. Even if they are "tango" shoes, some perform, despite their pretty looks and fancy names, poorly.
And in general, those people that start tango "late," those that do not have all the resources or time to invest in tons of trips, and classes, do not do so well. Just like shoes that were not made for tango. But there are some people, and some shoes, that werre made for tango, even if they do not know it yet. They have a certain "je ne sais quoi" that smells, tastes tango. And in certain environments, with the right people they come to life and become tango people, and tango shoes. In other words, they are waiting to be discovered.:)

The point of all this is that, I found a solution to my tango shoe problem, and that is I know what I am looking for in a pair of tango shoes, I am looking for comfort, flexibility, stability, straps, quality, and ahem.. good looks. Non of those things are exclusive to tango shoes. And no I am not looking for a tag that says a certain brand. And if the shoe fits this criteria then it is a tango shoe for my purposes damn it! Hence, I have many shoes that are "non-tango" by virtue of their brands, but tango in every other way to me.. I get them on the internet, or when I am window shopping, its almost like they find me, rather than me finding them. I have many shoes that are gorgeous, great quality, and I get them on sales, for half the price of what people pay to buy a pair of "put your favorite tango brand here" and I am proud of that. In fact, I have received many complements in milongas about my shoes, and everyone says "That is such a beautiful pair, where did you get them." I smile... proud of my big feet:)

PS: By the way, this is not to say that I do not like tango shoes, its just that due to my specific needs (ahem-- my big feet") I need to be more creative in my quest for tango shoes, and so far I have done well. I will gladly admit that when I find a pair of comme il fauts or neotangos or what ever other brand that fits my criteria above I cling onto it so tight that you can never remove them from my kung-fu grip!!!:)

PPS: On one last note, I just realized that my criteria for shoes above is much like my criteria for men, just think of "straps" as arms,serving the same purpose, to hold me tight:)

PPPS: The shoes in the photo are available online. for more info click here.

Youth, potential and Tango

Have you ever wondered what you could be like if you had started dancing tango at age 7? I sure have. A completely ridiculous question, since it would have been a very different life that I would be leading now if I had the opportunity and the choice to do such a thing, and I am almost certain I would not have liked that life as much as I like my life now. But from strictly tango perspective, to go along with all those tandas that during which I feel that I am flying as well as all those ones during which I am a sinking ship, I do wonder sometimes... What would I be like? And when I see a video like this, I realize, some questions are better left as fantastic thought experiments; some questions are better left unanswered...

The video shows Geraldine Rojas (at age 13) and Andres Amarilla (age 17) dancing to Mala Junta, date October 1993

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL TANGO DAY!!!!

Hoy es El Dia National del Tango en Buenos Aires!!! and all around the world. To those of you who actually have the opportunity to go to a milonga, you absolutely have to, and you also have to dance a tanda for me too, since where I live there isn't a milonga tonight... hmmmppphh.... If you are curious about the origins of the day, and if you can understand a little bit of Spanish like I do, click here.
Hint: What day do you think Carlos Gardel was born? What about Julio de Caro?

flamenco, tango, lipan tanderica

I came across yet another presentation on youtube that I really liked. A presentation of paintings that depict wome ndancing, mostly flamenco, but some tango as well. Flamenco, like tango, fascinates me; I cannot separate the music from the movement, and movement from the person, and the woman, the dance, and the music become one. If you cannot feel, you cannot dance neither tango, and I suspect nor flamenco. Here is to feeling deeply, painfully.

The music is by Ovidiu Lipan Tandarica, and it is called Tango Toledo... How appropriate...How beautiful...

My stuff...

This is so painstakingly true sometimes. Its good that I decided to "get my stuff done" tonight, and I did, finally I am done at around 4 am...After I finished with my work I found the video that I posted in previous post on youtube, so I posted that and then I found this one.. Thankfully I found it after I got my stuff done, otherwise I would have been fairly upset with myself and probably would not have found this video as amusing as I do now:)

L'Apertura

I came across this short film on youtube, while digging for, yes you guessed it, tango related videos.:)
For those of you who have not seen it yet. Here is some info on it:
La Apertura
Daniel's big chance to get everything he wants—his dream, his love, a way out of his poor Buenos Aires Province—has finally arrive Daniel's big chance to get everything he wants—his dream, his love, a way out of his poor Buenos Aires Province—has finally arrived. But at what price?

Awards
Zinebi Festival of Documentary and Short Film, Spain - Best of the Festival Audience Award

Festivals
La Biennale di Venezia
Clermont-Ferrand
Cinequest
Seagate Foyle
DIBA
Seattle
Arcipelago
River
Aye Aye
Silhouette
Ismailia

Tango and its caricature

Well, its hell of a caricature, but its funny to watch...

I wonder...

I wonder about one thing.. I have been reading different posts and everyone talks about how milongas are in BsAs and how the non-Argentines should prepare this or that way, or about what to expect, or misconceptions and misperceptions etc... I find all of this actually very interesting, on one hand I can see how some of it can be very very useful, on the other hand, I have not been to BsAs yet, hopefully next year, but I cannot help but think, perception is a weird thing, and no matter what I read, I am sure what I experience will be quite different than what I expect.
Having said that I am curious about one thing... What do milongueros who experienced milongas abroad think about those milongas? What would an argentine milonguera think about a milonga in NY or Montreal? How is it different? Do they like them? Are there things that these milongas abroad have innovated that they find novel, interesting, nice?
I wonder... I know that for many milongueros or tangueros (aside from those who are teaching across the world) travelling abroad is very expensive and I am sure not many of them can afford that. I wonder about those who have experienced it, what do they think???

Sitting and thinking....

Just got back form Tango de los Muertos in Boston... Great.. Influx of emotions, seeing old friends... Making some acquintances into new and close friends... Making some good old friends into mere acquintances. Evolution of my tango experience, along with my life and friendships...
Tired, sore...Filled with bliss non the less.. This is why I love tango...
But here is a question for you.. Do you think these kinds of festivals make us younger or older? I mean, going to bed at 7 am three nights in a row, during a regular weekend, Flying long distances for tango, sleeplessness, aches and pains on my back and feet, blisters... Dancing until I feel like I am no longer dancing, but in some sort of a trans, whirling like dervishes...
Have much to reflect on. Cannot write what I have not yet internalized. Give me some time:)
But I wanted to share this beautiful thing on Youtube. I want to share that with you. 500 years of women in paintings... It is really beautiful. Seeing it made me think a little. Many artists throughout centuries tried to capture the woman in a moment, in a mood, in a mind set. What is beautiful is that their cumulative efforts really truly captures what a woman is. I see my self in every sort of mood in this presentation, ever so changing, some times ugly, sometimes pretty, sometimes shy sometimes promiscuous, sometimes strong and sometimes vulnerable, happy and sad....
Take a look:

Tango as a force of life...

Tango is not a dance but all sorts of things for me. Its music, and not just any music, its music that is able to tell a compelling story in 3 minutes, as Placido Domingo indicates in the previous post. It is poetry. It is emotion. its a juxtaposition, where simplicity and complexity fall in love...

Tango is the wardrobe, the shoes for me. Tango is the hair, the shower I take before the milonga, and the one after. Tango is the eyeliner, the dress. Tango is the parfume, the cologne, tango is the pheromone.

Tango is the embrace for me. it is powerful enough to make me leave my excess baggage and hang ups at the entrance of a milonga. Through tango, I embrace a total stranger, with the attempt to create an inner connection. It has the power to peel the layers that we so carefully build, trying to harden ourselves against the blows of life.

As the music peels my layers one by one, I realize how great it is to feel again, to breath, to loosen up. The more vulnerable I am, the better the connection, the lighter the step, the prettier the melody, the more tender the embrace.

Tango is the women: old and young, sometimes irresistible, sometimes needy, sometimes pouting, sometimes full of life,sometimes seducing, sometimes shy, but never dull, always dramatic...

Tango is the men: Sometimes tender, sometimes forceful, sometimes wise and sometimes childlike, sometimes insecure and yet armed with the strength to make you feel safe in their arms. Tango, with its embrace, allows us women and men to take care of each other.

Tango is the community, with its gossip, rivalries, jealousies, with disagreements, but also with its solidarity and diversity.

Tango has the power to make life seem more vivid for me. It makes me more sensitive to everything. In any other circumstance, I could not bear to hold a sweaty man (whom I do not know at all) that close to my self.:) In any other circumstance, I don't think I could tolerate spending hours, in a badly lit, sometimes smoky, definitely
humid environment with an intense crowd, whirling like dervishes. In any other circumstance, I would have taken those heels off way before. Tango is my pain killer. So tango gives me the power to bear things beyond my capacity, or what I think is my capacity. It pushes my limits, it expands my horizons. Actually that makes me think, is it because I am in a trans, like the dervishes, who whirl without getting dizzy?

So, by the end of a perfect milonga, when I get out on the street, with my aching feet, my not-so-well hearing, my palpitating heart, I feel like I am breathing the fresh air for the first time. That is why it feels so good to breath in the cold air in the winter. That is why it feels good to walk outside after amilonga in the summer.

Next time you get out of a milonga, ask your self, why does it feel so damn good to hurt? To pass your bed time? To be dehydrated? To fall in and out of love?
For me it feels so damn good because tango is a force of life for me... And for you?

miercoles, jueves, viernes, PLACIDO DOMINGO...

If there is one person I want to meet in this world its Placido Domingo. And you know what, it makes me feel so good to know that someone as talented amazing as him also appreciates tango:) Here is to Placido Domingo, here is to tango!

Tragicomic...

Ok, here is the perfect example.. Bad posture, complete choreography, lack of connection, lead, follow, and most apparent to even a nontango dancer, lack of grace!
My god!!! I got tears from laughing as I was watching it...
Thanks to Alex for posting it:
http://alextangofuego.blogspot.com/2007/09/bad-tango.html

Beautiful people, music, and dance inspire some beautiful words...

I always admire people who can say many things in a few words. That is called parsimony. it is like Haiku, it is like a short poem, it is like a sentence that moves you like a whole song does. They take you to places...

Shakespeare wrote "There was a star danced, and under that was I born," in Much Ado About Nothing. I do feel like that sometimes when I feel like I have this inner unstoppable urge to dance, to go to a milonga. There are times when I cannot... Then I listen to tango and think of the people who are dancing around the world, as I am sitting in my living room, to many many different tandas. I think of all the women who are having butterflies in their stomachs, all the men who feel like they are not dancing but flying... It does not make me jealous one bit, it makes me happy. Because I feel connected to them. Jealousy happens where there is no connection. Because when there is no connection, there is no transfer of joy or sorrow. But since I feel connected to other tangueros by my desire to dance, I do not feel jealousy. I know my time to dance will come.
But those times when I feel like I must dance, I also realize that my deepest connection is with those people who feel the same... I agree with George Balanchine: "I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance." That intense desire, yearning to dance and to connect, that must have feeling is what makes our connections stronger.

I also make a connection about tango and wisdom. That people who can appreciate dancing, who can appreciate and feel connected to tango must be wiser for it. I might be wrong but you do not only have to disprove me on this point, but others like Einstein, Nietzsche, and Socrates.

There is nothing more notable in Socrates than that he found time, when he was an old man, to learn music and dancing, and thought it time well spent. - Michel de Montaigne...

We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.- Friedrich Nietzsche

If I can not dance, I want no part in your revolution. - Emma Goldman

Human beings, vegetables, or comic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune intoned in the distance by an invisible player - Albert Einstein

That blog that drives me crazy...

I love reading blogs. Especially ones about tango. There is one blog that drives me crazy though, ok maybe there are about 3 that kind of rub me the wrong way, or give me this feeling when the teacher used to drag their nails across the blackboard. But there is one particular blog that drives me crazy. The arrogance, the judgemental thoughts, the self congratulatory remarks.. Enough already!!! I hate the content of the blog and yet I cannot stop reading it. What the hell is wrong with me. It is almost like I like torturing myself reading this blog!
People write blogs for many different reasons. I write it as an expressive outlet of my thoughts, my pain, happiness, most of it which, most of the time, relates to tango. I enjoy reading other blogs that make me laugh, think, put me in a melancholic mood, express feelings which I cannot put into words so eloquently.
But here are a few things I hate in blogs:
1. Overanalyzing. I hate this! I absolutely hate it. Because tango is organic to me. It is natural. So was my learning process. I learn many things this way, including languages. I hate overanalysis. It kills the spirit of it. And there are certain people that overanalyze everything, not just tango. They overanalyze their relationships, their work. Its almost like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Or something like that. How can you be relaxed, how can I trust you as a leader, or a follower that I have your full attention, when I know that you are tearing the experience we are sharing into pieces in your mind? Let me stay as a whole. Let this tanda be a whole experience, non-repeatable but memorable, with its goods and bads. In a relationship its the same. I need you to understand me not shred me into pieces. If you do that you might tnever be able to put me back together. And I cannot function in million pieces.

2. Self-congragulating: Ok, I have no illusions about the fact that there are a lot of type A's out there in tango, and in life. I am one of them. But what I hate is that a lot of people pretend like they are tango Gods or Goddesses. Just because you are obsessed with it does not mean you are a pro. Just because you overanalyze does not mean you actually get it. Somethings you might and somethings you might not get. And that is ok. I don't want a perfect leader. I do not want to be a perfect follower. I want expressiveness without putting on a show, I want sweetness without stickiness, I want lightness but with presence. I want attention without harrassment. Our mistakes? ppfhhh! I do not care. I simply do not! The best dancers, bloggers, in my opinion are those that have humility. beginner or advanced. Those are my favorite. The beginners with humility (in dance and in blogging) are aware of their inexperience, and they show they want to learn. That is sweet and makes me want to dance with them. Advanced dancers with humility show me that they do not need to hide behind their ego to prove themsemlves. Their dance speaks for it self.

There are a lot of other things. I can talk about. But I will not.
Instead I want to write things that I like in blogging and in tango:
1. Show of character: There is such a thin line between character and ego. I love a strong character. I like opinionated people. I am, personally not a timid person my self. But I like a character that is self secure. A character that can regocnize its shortcomings, that pushes its potential without denying their limits. I like a character that are secure even with what they cannot do. I love bloggers like this. Because it make them human and I have a lot of admiration and respect for them. And dancers? dancers alike...

2. Sense of humor and irony. I love dancers and bloggers who can laugh at themselves and at me. But without being judgemental. A simple giggle at a mistake that our dance produces puts me at easee that they are happy to go on, and makes me a better dancer in their arms. A simple funny post makes me giggle infront of my computer, and makes me want to come back to that blog more times than I would like to admit.

3. Sence of melancholy: This is what I also love. it gives me the impression that the person who is dancing/ writing is a soul that travels in time. Someone that belongs to now, but also to a past that was beautiful, tearful. The time of Carlos Gardel...I sense this and it inspires me so much to read more, and to dance better.

So my fellow bloggers and tangueros, this is my 2 cents. I read your blogs, I watch you dance, and sometimes without you knowing I might even have danced with you, or maybe I will in the future. These are my observations. This is why tango is such an intense experience, with its good and its bad.

What festival is your favorite?

So I have been reading some blogs on tango, and it seems like many people were at the Denver Labor Day tango festival. When I used to live in my previous location, I used to not to care at all about festivals, simply because the quality and quantity of tango was high. I did not need to travel. Now I definitely do. Any that sucks to a certain extent, but also I should see it as an opportunity to travel to new places, meet new people.
Previously I have been to the Washington DC tango marathon, and Yale tango fest. Oh and Atlanta tango fest. Denver was just a recent addition for me. I have to say Denver was also my favorite so far. I made a lot of new tango friends. Got to see some interesting characters. Got many invitations to travel to other festivals from tangueros and tangoeras of other locations, like Houston, San Fransisco, Portland... It was truly a wonderful experience.
So noe I am thinking... What is next...
Portland...
Let's go to Portland;
Maybe that will be my new favorite.
until I go to BsAs. Then I guess nothing will suffice!
Also... It is so interesting that so many people who blog were actually at the Denver festival. I guess the bloggers are true afficionados of tango!

bizzarro...

Ok..... I don't know what to think right now. I am perplexed, confused.. I might have even forgotten my name or something.. after watching this video... What is this? Ode to Veron?
I don't know where to start, on some level I guess there is some value... but...
All you need is veron in a belly dancing costume...
Who is the woman?
Where is the passion, the silent communication, where is the soul? Where did Veron's mojo go?
I must have eaten something bad for lunch and I must be seeing a nightmare at my desk...
Am I missing something? Did my relocation, and lack of tango for the last few months made me incapable of understanding the complexity of this masterpiece? OR what the hell is this????

lethargy....

I feel so lethargic... I know it is not a good title to get your few readers in the mood to read more.. But what is there to read.
I almost gave up a few weeks ago. quitting tango, blogging... Adjustment to a new life is difficult. With a very high tempo work schedule, it is almost impossible to make time for reflection. I felt rather annoyed with my self for occupying a parcel of this cyber world, without contributing to it al all. What is there to contribute. My tango experiences are... well, inexistent... I realized that I have to change the direction of this blog. This blog can no longer serve as a diary of my tango experiences. It has to become my connection outlet to tango, where it will transport me to places, to worlds, to times, to milongas I cannot attend. I can not rely on my personal tango experiences anymore to actually write about. They are so few and far in between. Rather, I will try to share videos, music, images that relate to my life and tango. I will try to keep my tango flame flickering, with the help of this blgo....until I attend a festival. Then, I will dance all day and night, exhaust my self and sleep with a smile on my face....
So on that note, here I go:)
Here is a video from youtube, taken on the Birthday of Miguel Angel Zotto.
He truly is celebrating isn't he:)

Como es la vida...

I loved this clip that I found in youtube. Very interesting...To visit, click:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QAx1h_GlEro
Trying to arange my life around. Move things, ship things, say good byes.. Its tough.. This video reminded me that even within one room, life happens in so many different ways.. It made me say. if only walls could talk.. what would they say..

out of touch!

Sorry for being out of touch for so long. As I have mentioned in my blog, for work reasons I am moving once again. It requires reshuffling my life and re-arranging many things. Not easy. The worst part is that I am not able to dance much these days. My shoes are looking at me and I to them. They are looking sad. So am I. This move will be tough on both of us. But I shall find new ways to satisfy my tango cravings. Already thinking about the next festival.hmmm. where can I go... But first, I decided, prior to my move, to take a break. To go somewhere far, to recover, to heal, to gather energy to start anew. So I am taking the month of June off. And in July I will be in my new location. So because of all this, I have to finalize many things prior to my vacation in June.
I shall be back with other posts, hopefully interesting to those who read this blog. Thank you for your great support. I shall be back, better than ever:)

Lost and found...

I lost my tango groove the other night, like many of the other tango bloggers
that have recently experienced. It is interesting. I wonder if this is
something contagious:) As yo are responding to one blog entry and
telling them that this happens to every one, you find your self in the
void of tango nothingness yourself:) Or maybe it takes turns. Ijust
learned to not to take those nights so seriously. I try to treat them
like a bad hair day, or a "I am fat" day. It happens once in a while,
never pleasant but thankfully never permanent either.
A lot is
happening in my life right now. Many things are changing. The speed
with which the days pass is scaring me, and change is always scary so I
find my self in a whirlpool. Tango is part of it too. I just found out
that I will be relocating due to job circumstances and it is scaring
me. I like my job, and changing location is not pleasant. So many
friendships formed, so much investment made to this community in which
I live in. So it is hard to pack up and go. And yet I know it is time
to move on..
What will this mean for tango? Well, I heard that my new location does not have a huge tango community. So this will mean probably more festivals, and less milongas. Total change...
I am a little overwhelmed right now with this sudden change in plans. My future looks so different. I do not think I can reflect on this in a healthy manner now.
The good news is, I found my tango groove again:) So for now I will enjoy my life here while I can...

a great escape..

I have been kidnapped by pirates! They took me on their ship, and instead of taking me to BsAs, they took me to a land of nothing. A land of work, worries and
flurries. A land of indecision, numbness. As they were living in that island like zombies, I felt very very cold. I felt the feeling leaving my body like a tide receding at night, and everydaywhen the feeling would return it was less and less. As if the sea was continuously receding. I did dance tango in the island... It was tango without feeling. One of the pirates looked like one of my favorite dancers, but when we danced, we had not feeling. the movements were there, but not our hearts. So somehow, I made my great escape, and am writing these words from the first internet connection I could get, the feeling is coming back slowly. It is as if I came back from the dentist and the numbness is just wearing off. What a dreary feeling. In
order to expedite my feeling gain, I put of my favorite songs on repeat: Nature Boy (David Bowie version). This song usually too much for me to listen, is just right currently. I am hoping that my numbness ends quickly, and I can be myself again. Me, the bubblingtanguera that I am who loves to laugh, write, dance, and feel.
The draught has to end...I need Nature Boy to remind me who I am...
There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"


"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

Pirates...

I am looking for a pirates' ship.
To come and sweep me off my feet.
Then I leave this ocean of bore,
They can take me to a sandy shore.
I will ask them to drop me at a port called Buenos Aires,
I will take the best looking one, teach him how to tango, and how to dress:)
In time I will forget my own name
In time he will shave the beard and be tame
In time I will have it all love, money and fame
But for now, I have to work, how lame..
what a shame...
who is to blame?
Moi ofcourse,
the very bad and very bored poet.

An ocean of work and a drop of tango...

Spring is in the air and I am having a difficult time concentrating on my work. It is quite a problem because I really need to work a lot. I have important and decisive deadlines coming up. This is why I have bee ntrying to work work work, and no play. Well today, I have managed to do some good amount of work, so maybe, maybe will go to a milonga to reward my self. Still, I feel like there is an ocean of work and I only swam the first 100 meters. Already rewarding my self??? Take a deep breath, a short break, and keep swimming...

I want this make up...

I just saw this photo.. Such beautiful colors. I have an appointment with a make up artist at Lancome on Friday and I really want this kind of make up applied. Of course, it will not look like this on me, but hey even if we can approximate it..:) I want to purchase some make up from Lancome, especially their eyeshadows are magnificant this season. Maybe if the make up lasts I might even go to a milonga on friday:)
Again.. What was it about spending money, tango and stuff?

cost of tango...

First question of the week: How much money do I (or do we) spend on tango? Too much! Not really, it is worth every penny. But dancing a lot (8 out of 11 of the last days) is taking both a financial toll on my pocketbook and a physical toll on my body. When I go out, I really do not want to worry about saving, I like to have some wine, taking a cab to and from the milonga, plus the milonga itself.. It ends up being at least $40 a night. well that means I spent over $300 strictly on tango dancing just with in the last 11 days...Wow and ouch!
On top of that, I think of all the purchases I make for the sake of tango. Shoes, clothes, make up... True, I would have bought these regardless ,but to this extent. Tango acts as a total inspiration to my shopping inclinations. In addition, of course, I also buy remedial products, foot cream, painkillers, etc.. By the way, I just say this add for the Olay Body Thermal Pedicure, a foot scrub that heats up. Sounds nice but who knows if it actually is worth a dime, will try and let you all know.
So over all, no wonder at the end of the month I wonder where all the money went, it went to tango of course... Of course I did not even speak about the physical cost. My feet are shot, I have a beautiful and very comfortable pair of tango shoes, But after 5 hrs of dancing on 4 inches, I do not think any pair of shoes can help. I need to do more stretching I know, for my feet and legs, as well as my back.. I am just so lazy about it. It is not a lack of knowledge issue, its pure laziness. I know every strech there is out there. I just am lazy. I have to start doing them regularly if I want to keep dancing though.

cupcakes, and other sweat things...

I am craving big time. That time of the month? Already? Oh no... With it comes a big appetite, a sense of bloat and as a bonus: reemergence of adolescence... Here we go again. I was going to wear a new skirt I bought to a milonga tonight, but I think not. I feel like I weigh a ton! The fat feeling is back. Thanks hormones.. I know I do not weigh a ton, but every month this time I feel like I do. Hence the mirrors also get distorted. I wonder if PMS has an effect on my eyesight. Everything seems wider, including my hips!! I should not be complaining, I am lucky about my metabolism, Got that from my father (Thank God or other forces of the universe). But still. That does not change the fact that I feel like I weigh a ton right now. So tonight, I will wear what I call concealers (clothes comfortable and not great looking but not risky either):) Until I get my eyesight and my common sense back. The cupcakes, oh I am totally baking them tomorrow.

About a post...

I read a post on a blog that I recently discovered
On Tango, Love and Other Demons
In fact its about two posts: one is Tango Types (I): The Tangueros dated March 19th, and the other is Tango Types (II): The Tangueras dated March 21st. I liked both of the posts very much. In fact to the one on Tangueras, Sorin posted a very informative comment, that also gave us a perspective of what a good follower makes the leader feel like.
Although as I was reading the blog, I was thinking there are so many people who are actually a combination of these different types. Or in a given day, due to hormonal changes or other reasons :) we might end up turning into a tango bitch rather thana good follow. In other words, although I really like the typologies and find them interesting and informative, part of me cannot help but think, we are non of these and all of these at the same time, depending on the day, the time, the mood and the hormones:) Well, maybe there a few lucky ones out there who have found their ideal type and stuck to it. Me I find myself often fluctuating, and I do not even want to begin to imagine from which one type to another...
Overall though, I really like this blog. And Sorin's blog as well. I shall add them to my list of blogs on the right ASAP.

Lagrimas Negras

I found this on youtube. Bebo Valdes and Diego "El Cigala." I love it.

Being back...

I am back:) Its nice being back. I saw my love, we spent some time
together and I realized how much I miss him how much I really love him.
Then I went to the DC tango Marathon. It was an interesting weekend really. I have to say it really did not begin well. In fact at theafternoon milonga on Saturday after having this terrible conversation and a tanda with this awful guy who thinks he is tango God (and by the way he is sooooo delusional) I wanted to pack my backs and come back. But just when things got worse, they got better as well. The last song of the milonga, I danced with a great guy, M, and it was like floating. I needed that after that terrible experience.
Starting with Saturday evening milonga, everything picked up, including my mood. It was a great milonga, danced many good dances, and was feeling good about my self.
I want to clarify that the feeling was about my self not about my tango. When I feel good I dance well too, its almost always like that. I do not remember amilonga where I felt good about myself and I had bad dances.
I have many things that I wondered about during this festival and I will share them in future posts. For now, I feel good...:)
After I came back I realized how exhausted I was. But ofcourse my mind won over my body and I went dancing again the next day, and ofcourse, no matter how bad your feet ache if you are in the mood to dance, you do well:) It felt really good to dance. I was loose and relaxed.
Still on tango high after the festival I guess.

Ahhhhh, how musical, how beautiful...

a trip awaiting, precious life, and shoes...

I am going away on friday, for a little while.. At the end of my trip I will attend the D.C. tango festival. I am looking forward to it. I am looking forward to this trip for many reasons. Will see my love. Will do some work, and will dance tango. So this is what life is about right?
I almost got killed today by the way. My life flashed before my eyes, when a car ran the red light, and hit another and went over the spot I had stepped on 3 seconds back. I was thinking about my future when crossing the street, my near future, and was in the blissful ignorance of a sunny wednesday morning. Everything could have changed in a moment. I could be in a coma tonight at some hospital, with no future, no more love, tango, or work.
Its amazing, life is so fragile really.. we are so fragile. We feel so capable and so strong, and yet we are so fragile. So ephemeral. So mortal.
I was quite shaken actually. I was crossing the street witha friend, going to BCBG. I was littereally shaking entering the store.
I am thankful tonight, that I still have my life in tact, to be able to write these words, and to be able to wear the beautiful shoes I bought.

Cannot dance in flat shoes..

I went to a milonga. I have given all my highheels to repair, so all I had was my flat dance sneakers, which I had not worn for 2 yrs. I remember them being very comfortable. They were. but my god!!! I could not dance in them. I had no balance. Maybe it was not the shoes, maybe I was having an off night, but I could not feel the floor in those clunky shoes, I did not feel pretty or sexy in those shoes and it totally affected my dance.
I turned down so many dances, because I really did not feel like dancing in those shoes. The men I turned down must be thinking: "My gosh, she is picky!"
I was saving them from a disastrous experience, but they do not know that. I actually led a friend of mine who is a beginner for a while, and that was fun. I was ok leading, so what is the problem with following.
Maybe I just like to blame the shoes.. The truth is my favorite partner(s) were not there, I did not have my favorite shoes, and it was an off night..
OR maybe, I forgot what it is to waer flat shoes...
Reminder to self: If nights like these did not exist, the excellent nights would not be as exciting!

Dreams..

Last night I had two dreams. They were connected. I have not bee nremembering what I dream lately so these left me wondering aobut their meaining in the morning.
Let me tell you about them:
I am on a beach. It is not particularly sunny but definitely not cold. ITs a pleasant day. I am walking with this girl friend of mine. She is a friend in the dream, but I do not know her in real life. We are walking on the beach, maybe 20 meters away from the sea. The sea is on my right side, I am the one walking closer to the sea. I see two dolphins. They are swimming incredibly close to the shore. Then one of them jumps out the sea and comes all the way to me. I do not sense desperation from the dolphin, but I know if it stays with me there on the shore it will not survive. I push the dolphin gently towards the sea. Wtihout any difficulty, infact in a very slippery way, the dolphin makes its way back to the sea. I feel happy, that I saved its life. It was not very difficult.
The second part of the dream: we continue walking on the beach. At some point we sit and we see these marks on our legs. They are these bruises. I immediately think its from tango. Its as if I must have been hit by a boleo or something. I have this dark black point, the size of a woman's tango heel, than a line that follows it. I do not feel pain, it does not hurt and I cannot remember when it would have happened. My friend and I both wonder. She has the same mark on her leg. When I see the mark I do not feel sad, or happy, just curious...

I was telling these dreams to a friend , N, and he asked me about the first part, is there someone you want to save, you want to help, you feel very connected to, someone who is drawn to you like the dolphin that just voluntarily beaches it self to you? And about the second part, you did not feel any real feeling but just curiousity about the mark, what is going on in your life right now that is leaving these curious marks on you...
What accurate questions and interpretations of this dream...

Tango shoes...

I had to take all my tango shoes to a shoe repair place. I do no have that many pairs, I had 4 pairs of high heels plus one practica shoe. One of the high heels I must have left at some milonga because I canot find it, which makes me really sad. The other three, the heels need to get changed ( those little black things at the bottom) SOme of them need suede bottoms so I also need that changed. So I have no high heels at my disposal these days, they will be ready by thursday. How am I to survive till then without dancing? Well I have the flat ones... But its not the same. Its odd but I am more comfortable in highheels:)
Maybe I will go on a quest for my lost shoes.. Like the search for the holy grail.. They were so pretty too. Old but still pretty. Everybody used to compliment me about them... They were comfortable..
Why am I so in love with shoes? Is there a specific shoe loving gene that I am not aware of, that passes down from mother to daughter? I know only a few guys who are very excited about shoes, but most women I know love shoes.

Cold night

Its a cold night out there. Do not feel like dancing. I feel terribly melancholic tonight. Sometimes tango and melancholy is just the perfect combination for a wonderful night out. Sometimes, its a potion that is poisonious. So, I am home. I am contemplating about my perspective on tango.
I am not from Argentina. I am not from the US. English is not my first language, tango is not my national heritage. Why do I feel so captivated, so connected to it? Can I truly understand what it actually is? Why have I identified with it so strongly?
Sometimes this happens with people too. I identify with a person so much, although I do not know them, I feel like I do. I want to know them. Maybe in a previous life, place and time, we have crossed paths? Or maybe in the future we will and that I sense that some how..It is an eerie feeling really. An eerie and irresistable feeling...
Is there a type of person that is drawn to tango? What kind of a person is it? Bohemian? Artistic? Romantic? Confused? I start smiling. I started explaining my self again, instead of tango.

A Series of Rhetorical Questions...

Does every tanguera have a favorite leader that they like to dance with? What is the feeling that we get when we dance with our favorite partner? How many tandas are enough? Is there a favorite tango that is a secret between the two? Does the joy of dancing together make both giddy? Is it like flying? Is it like buttlerflies flapping their wings ever so slowly? Is it like a dream?
Does the feeling persist? Does the good mood spread to other tandas with other partners?

Later is too late...

The boy asked her to wish for a star from gods now, so that they could watch it sparkle together. It was an innocent request, a sweet and unimposing wish.
The girl smiled and said "Later" Why did she say later? She was intimidated by Gods, What they might think, she had to be careful, wise.. There were many stars many moments... She had forgotten that the moments were not infinite, neither were the stars..
By the time she asked for a star, the sun was rising, and the stars were not as bright, no matter how bright, it was time for day light, the reality, the harsh illumination the cold reminder that time would not stop.
Her heart crawled up into a small ball, and she noticed, although this was not a huge loss, losses like these were to add up in life.. She realized this is the womb in which regrets are conceived.

Timing is everything. Sometimes the moments most wonderful to be had are delayed for whatever reason, and can never be captured again. So I learned...You can miss your fate, but how can you realize and avoid missing it?

Life at my fingertips...

Something wonderful happened. I was dancing with a good friend. We danced three songs, I was very much in my zone of tango, completely captivated by the tangos playing, became unaware and very aware of my surroundings simultaneously. At the end of the tanda, he said:
"I can feel your pulse, in your fingertips."
I could sense my pulse at my fingertips. It was beautiful. I was serene, calm, my heart was not pounding, it was just my pulse, that had spread from my heart, to the end of my fingers.
Life flowing in my body, wild, untamed, was rushing with even greater power, raised by tango. I felt really good that night. I felt beautiful.
And it was beautiful to communicate through fingertips...
And now, the same fingertips are typing this message, communicating once again what life is like now.

Moths around a flame...

My tango soundtrack is on again.. I told you. I told you it would come back, to lure me into its irresistable gravity. And it did. Pins and needles. I am looking at my tango shoes, and the mirror.. The mirror has a distorted image...Half my face is smiling, the other not. Am I the Mona Lisa? She is not that pretty, and not that happy most of the time. I am happy.. and when I am happy I think I am pretty. So I am not Mona Lisa. Was Mona Lisa as tall as me?
Did Mona Lisa have three spots on her abdomen? They are like the three men that leave their marks... One for the ones in the past, one for now, and a very faint undecided one, for the future.. Who knows maybe it will disappear in time, as the one now becomes larger and more prominent. Lets hope that happens. In the end, you don't want too many marks in your life or your abdomen.
Ok, I stopped looking at my abdomen in the mirror. I am looking at my shoes now. They have their beauty marks too. From dancing a lot. I like them more than any new pair. We have a history. They know what I am thinking when I am putting them on, when I am in them, and when I am taking them off. They know everything. I am just glad they cannot talk...
We are like moths around a flame, that we are drawn to, and sometimes we get too close and get burned, but we cannot resist going back.. Because that flame has this irresistable gravity that pulls us to it. And hence, I will put on my make up, and my tango shoes and fly to that flame, and try ot to get burned this time, if I can help it.

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn...

I have had a busy day: meetings, lunch, a different place... And in the end, I have been so busy that I completely felt numb. When the day was over, I had this great epiphany.. Mostly, I use tango to escape from the numbness that I get from daily life. The lack of feeling, lack of meaningful connection, lack of contact. But sometimes, the opposite happens. When I find my self too involved in the life of tango, when tango seems to be taking over my life, reason, relationships, when it is taking a life of its own, and spiraling out of control, I use work, to cut down on the feeling consumption... I gradually lull my self back to numbness, until I finally can say: Frankly my dear I don't give a damn...
In a few days, the numbness will become pins and needles, and the urge to dance will become unbearable, and I will look at my tango shoes, and the mirror, and the shoes, and will put on my make up, and awaken my tango demons again and they will whisper:
Here's looking at you, kid..

Going to the airport...

Packed everything... the business stuff, the shoes, the toothbrush, my ipod, and my melancholy. Taking them all away. Traveling, on the cab, I was thinking I need a break, from this city, from this place, this community.. For a few days. So its good that I am on a cab.. Or is it..
Its funny, we like torturing ourselves.
As I was in the cab, I was looking at all the houses that we passed by, people living in it, it seemed cosy and nice, the ones that had their lights on. I wanted to drop everything, knock on their door, and ask if I can come in for dinner. We could talk about anything, except the stuff that is complicated. We can talk about their kids, and their life, what vacations they are planning, their family etc.. I would not want to talk about me.. It is all about me these days, my feelings, my confusion, my despair, my happiness, my joy..
But no.. work awaits. So I packed everything, including my melancholy.. And no, I did not pack my tango shoes..

Misunderstandings: in tango and in life...

Just like in real life. Some nights you are off. You try to connect, but no. You misunderstand the lead, but why? Either you are listening only to hear what you want to hear, or you are not hearing at all. Sometimes, my head is filled with feedback noise, my worries are too loud, my heart pounds too heavily, my thoughts are alive like ghosts of smoke circling around us when we are dancing. I can see them, and they distract me, but he does not see them. So he probably wonders...
Sometimes what you want to hear is that everything is going to be alright... And there is an exact tango translation of that. It feels like a safe harbour, a quite understanding, a calm and reassuring step, a warm embrace. Can he hear my palpitations and respond, or is it just a coincidence that he wants to dance the way I need him to?
And sometimes, none of this happens. My tango soundtrack is on.. I am in tune, I am beautiful, I am alive and all is quiet and lovely.

Fragile

"the strong breeze...It was an excuse,
Sun, honey, and amber...
the frozen wing... It was an excuse,
if not about to melt, was bound to shatter.."

High heels, make up, anti-static spray for the skirt... Dont want to zap anyone..Tangos, tandas, a swing of attitude, from despair to apathy, from apathy to forgetfulness. Coming home. When I went to bed I was glad to have a reminder that that I am still alive, I can still feel, in spite of the sea of worries and doubts that I have to deal with on monday..in life.. The reminder- what was it? Ofcourse my aching feet, my legs...

One and only one dancer....

What is this...I enjoy dancing with a lot of different partners for many different reasons. One of them can be much older but charming, solid leader and just pure fun. The other can be a good leader, mysterious, and creative. Another can be a total surprise, you never know what he will bring to the dance the next time. And then one day, one comes along, and dancing with him ( or her I guess for the leaders) is like eating one of a kind truffle. I mean please... From then on, all you want to do is dance with that person and nothing else.. Why? And then a month passes by, maybe more, and your tango affliction fades away.Its as if you are a pair of dice, hitting each other and becoming the same number. Than the tango gods take you two in their hands, and throw again, He falls somewhere else and changes, so do you. The game ends. But once in a while someone leads you into lust...

enjoying a milonga!

What makes a milonga enjoyable? Great partners? Good DJ? Sensible tandas? good moving dance floor? am I missing something?
I think I am.. When I first started dancing I looked at milongas only as opportunities to dance. I was learning this damn thing which was so difficult and challenging, and I was going to dance! Now the attitude changed.. Dancing is almost second nature, not because I am great, but because it is an addiction now, a very big habit. It is not constant struggle and an effort to prove my self.. Hence, now milongas are social events. Partners are not dance delivery systems. Music is not rythmic device for movement. And drink is not something you only take when you are thirsty.
And all this attitude change towards milongas, made them so much more enjoyable. I sometimes do not even care if I dance or not. I truly enjoy the conversations, the jokes, the music, and the wine. And I mostly dance with partners that I really enjoy dancing with. OR with friends that I cannot say no to. Thankfully, mostly they coincide.

connection, good connection, great connection...

So this is something like chemistry. or even alchemy.. Taking two people, making the experience into something golden. To beginners connection is mostly trying to keep the distance between you and your partner constant, so that you do not have the pulling pushing feeling. Moving as one.. But is seems strictly mechanical, at least when we are first learning to dance. And then there is the process of learning to dance well. It requires us to open all channels of communication to our partner, and be as receptive as possible. That is when the whole experience becomes intimate. We open all our senses, sense of touch, smell, hearing, except maybe to enhance other senses we close our eyes. Followers listen to the lead intently, leaders become fully aware of followers' attitude, mood, wishes. Then we move as one. and then the floor appears with many couples, and we connect with them.. except if there are couples that do not have a good connection with each other, it also means they do not have good connection with the rest of us... oh well.
This great connection is like what is at the end of the rainbow... a pot of gold.. or your favorite dance partner:) Not all of us get there, and not all the time.. You see these channels of communication, these senses, they are capricious things.. Throughout the day, life tries to make us numb, and then we try to feel again.Sometimes it does not work.. In such cases, the best thing for me is to cut my losses and enjoy the social atmosphere of the milonga.

The Day of Love...

Snow takes care of everything. Its quieter and cleaner when snow falls. Tango soundtrack kicks in. You can see the flakes of snow doing molinetes. Something pure, impulsive, instinctive inside awakens..And I always end up being surprised that I am capable of loving so much.

To wear.. or not to wear (red)

Many of the milongas organized around valentine's day have this not so original idea.. come wearing red! It really is not my favorite color. So how do we over come this problem.. how many dancers (female or male) have more than one item that is red in their wardrobe. How many of you are going to more than 1 valentine milonga? Now lets do the math.. Plus there is the problem of looking the same.. A sea of tomatoes in close embrace...
I am curious, does it bother people, if someone does not follow the suggestion of waering red? What is an easy solution to the problem of Red...

Blah blah tango blah blah...

To many tango dancers, this is infact what life is like... Everything that interferes with tango is just blah.. work, laundry, commute... if they are not related to tango.. they are just blah... But.. if the laundry involves tango clothes that are going to be worn that night, or if the commute involves going to tango, or if the errand involves taking the tango shoes for repair.. then it's a different story.. The soundtrack of life kicks in.. I call this the tango soundtrack, because, it seems like whenever I am dealing with anything that is remotely related to tango I get this sense, this feeling of music.. I am not actually listening to anything, but its there, at the corner of my mind, playing its tune.. like the little bird that starts chirping at an ungodly hour of the morning and wakes you up, can you get mad at that bird? I cannot..
Once that tango soundtrack kicks in everything becomes more illuminated, the lighting that surrounds you changes instantly, the people on the street seem to look at you with more meaningful eyes, your steps are more purposeful.. I cannot even keep a decent conversation with someone that I run into on the street, if I run into them while the tango soundtrack is on.. The music gets louder, and all I can do is smile and nod and hope that they don;t ask a question that requires an intelligent answer...
Why the intensity of feeling.. why?
does this happen to you too?
In a different way..